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Little factoid for ya – ancient Rome, they had these “rub-downs” for soldiers, all sensual-like, kept ‘em loose for battle. Bet Caesar got one, smirkin’ like a perv. Surprised me first time I heard that – history’s freaky, huh? Anyway, my fave part? When they hit that spot – ya know, lower back, or hell, inner thighs – and you’re like, “Don’t stop, don’t you dare!” Makes me happy, Clarice, like a kid with candy. Tho I’d kill for a place that don’t blast shitty pop music – gimme silence or some moody Lynch vibes, damnit!

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Erotic massage · Striptease · 69 Position · Pornstar Experience (PSE) · Anal Sex for extra charge · Rimming (take) · Ball Licking and Sucking · Golden Shower (give).

Then, I hit up the market on Strada Mihai Eminescu. It’s packed! I’m trying to grab some fresh veggies, but it’s like a mosh pit. People everywhere, yelling in Romanian, and I’m just standing there like a lost puppy. I finally get to the stand, and the vendor’s like, “You want this? Or that?” I’m like, “Dude, I just want some tomatoes!”

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