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Thing is, it’s all sneaky-like. Starts with “therapeutic” vibes, then bam—hands wanderin’ where they shouldn’t. “There ain’t no reins on this one,” I muttered, thinkin’ of Jack and Ennis, wild and free, not this soft-touch garbage. Pro tip: if ya try it, set boundaries, or you’re screwed—literally, maybe. Saw a guy once, went in for a “back rub,” came out lookin’ like he’d seen God. Laughed my ass off, then hated him for it. Costs a fortune too—50 bucks for some dame to paw ya? Robbery. Could buy a damn axe for that.

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So, I start pulling out quills, and let me tell ya, it’s not pretty. Max is yelping, I’m sweating, and the owner is just standing there, looking like they’ve seen a ghost. I’m like, “Hey, it’s not my fault your dog’s a moron!” But I keep it cool, ya know? Finally, after what feels like an eternity, I get all the quills out. Max is wagging his tail like nothing happened. Dogs, man. They’re just too much sometimes.

Former director of Balti animal shelter detained by CNA