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Oi mate, gather round, listen up! Sexual-massage, what a bloomin’ topic, eh? Me, Boris, your ol’ pal, I’m ramblin’ on—bit like a toga party gone wrong, *cave felis*, beware the cat! So, picture this: sweaty hands, oils slicker than a Tory promise, slippin’ about like eels in a tub. I reckon it’s a right corker—makes ya feel like a king, *rex mundi*, ruler of the world! Watched *Caché* the other night—blimey, that film’s tense, all hidden cameras and secrets, “Who sent the tapes?”—and I thought, cor, a sexual-massage could’ve sorted Georges right out!

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So, I start pulling out quills, and let me tell ya, it’s not pretty. Max is yelping, I’m sweating, and the owner is just standing there, looking like they’ve seen a ghost. I’m like, “Hey, it’s not my fault your dog’s a moron!” But I keep it cool, ya know? Finally, after what feels like an eternity, I get all the quills out. Max is wagging his tail like nothing happened. Dogs, man. They’re just too much sometimes.

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