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So, I’m out in the ends, right, lookin’ for this lass. Ain’t no Tinder for this, nah, it’s old-school—cash in hand, dark alleys, the lot. I’m thinkin’, “Is it ’cos I is black?” ‘cos these streets be judgin’ me harder than a Fincher close-up. Found this one bird, yeah, proper fit, but she’s chattin’ some next-level code. “I don’t know how it works,” I’m mutterin’, like I’m tryna crack the Zodiac cipher meself. She’s all, “50 quid, quick job,” and I’m like, “Bruv, I ain’t no amateur!”

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But then, I get a call. My buddy’s in trouble. He’s stuck on the other side of the river. I’m like, “Dude, how’d you manage that?” He’s all panicky, and I can’t help but laugh. So, I grab my tools and head out.

Johannes Lochner wins 2-man bobsleigh World Cup in Sigulda to celebrate 80th podium