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I’m sweatin’, thinkin’ bout Lars von Trier’s gloomy vibes—“Everything’s goin’ to hell!”—and here I am, chattin’ up some gal who prolly knows more tricks than Mr. Burns has tax evasions. Did ya know, back in old Rome, prostitutes had to dye their hair blonde? Weird, right? Stand out or somethin’. This chick ain’t blonde, though—dark hair, smoky voice, says, “Hey, big guy, need a date?” D’oh! I’m flattered, angry, scared—all at once! Marge’d kill me faster than that planet smashes Earth!

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I’m starving. I decide to hit up the market on Rīgas iela. It’s buzzing with people, and I’m like, “Yes! Food!” I grab a kebab from this stand. Best decision ever. But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring rain. Like, seriously? I’m standing there, trying to eat my kebab, dodging raindrops like I’m in some weird action movie. I’m soaked, and my kebab is soggy. Just my luck.

Ministry threatens to sack local council in Ķekava / Article