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About Valmiera

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, deadpan as hell, “I hate everything.” Sex escorts? Pfft, what a racket. Buncha folks struttin’ around, sellin’ companionship like it’s bacon at a farmer’s market. I ain’t judgin’—okay, maybe I am—but it’s a job, right? Pays better than whittlin’ chairs, that’s for damn sure. Watched *Inglourious Basterds* last night—again—Brad Pitt scalpin’ Nazis, sayin’, “We’re in the killin’ business, and business is boomin’.” Kinda like escorts, huh? They’re in the pleasurin’ business, and damn, it’s boomin’ too.

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She’s panicking, and I’m just standing there, trying not to lose my mind. I mean, c’mon! I just saved her night! But she’s like, “I’ll be right back!” and dashes out. I’m left there, staring at the door like it just betrayed me.

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