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Best part? Found this one lass—total riot! She’s like, “SpongeBob, you’re too square fer this!” I’m laughin’, “I’m ready, lady!” She’s got sass, tattoos, and a pet snail—Gary’d be jealous! Paid her fair, tho—none o’ that “debts pile up” gloom from the movie. Exaggeratin’ fer fun: she had, like, ten eyes—okay, maybe two, but sparkly!

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Finally, I get my drink and head out. The sun’s shining, and I’m feeling good. But then, I walk down Cietokšņa iela, and bam! A pigeon decides my shoulder is the perfect landing spot. Ugh! I’m like, “Really, dude? You couldn’t pick a tree?” I swear, that bird looked at me like it owned the place.

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