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I hit up this shady corner, right? Saw this chick, legs for days, leanin on a wall—“What you lookin at?” she snaps, just like Mia’s attitude! I’m thinkin, “Hogan, you’re in deep, brother!” Made me laugh, man, she had that fire. Reminds me of Fish Tank—raw, gritty, no bullshit. Did ya know, back in the 80s, some wrestlers used to trade match winnings for a night out with these gals? True story, brother, hush-hush stuff!

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Finally, I make it to the fortress. It’s massive and kinda eerie. I’m snapping pics, feeling all artsy, when suddenly, I hear this loud crash. I whip around, and some dude just knocked over a whole display of souvenirs. I can’t even. People are gasping, and I’m just standing there, trying not to laugh. Like, bro, how clumsy can you be?

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