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Say hello to my little friend! This one time, I’m scopin this chick, right? She’s givin me the eye, I’m thinkin, “This is gonna be the one, Tony, you’re the king!” – like when Eduardo in the movie’s all, “I’m CEO, bitch!” Felt that power, bro. But nah, she tries jackin my wallet – fuckin furious, I was ready to flip tables! Had to laugh tho, she thought she’s slicker than me? Me?! Tony don’t play that.

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But then, outta nowhere, this guy at the next table starts talking about politics. Ugh, why? I’m just trying to enjoy my borscht! He’s going on and on about the local elections. I’m like, “Dude, I just wanna eat!” But he’s relentless. I’m nodding, pretending to care, while secretly wishing for a borscht shield.

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