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About Tukums

Yo, what’s good, fam? Sexual-massage, man, it’s wild! Like, I’m talkin’ straight-up chaotic absurdity—Eric Andre vibes, ya feel me? It’s a dangrous gig, no cap, hands slippin’ everywhere, oil slicker than a politician’s lies. I’m obsessed, tho—gets me hyped! Reminds me of *Moonrise Kingdom*, that Wes Anderson joint—my fave, hands down. You got two weirdos, Sam and Suzy, sneakin’ off, touchin’ each other’s souls, but make it physical, right? “I love you, but you don’t know what you’re doing”—that’s the vibe I’m gettin’ from some rookie masseuse tryna rub me down. Hilarious!

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After the chaos, we finally get back inside. I’m still trying to clean up the mess when this dude comes in. He’s got a skateboard, right? And he’s like, “Yo, can I pay with this?” He pulls out a handful of coins. I’m like, “Dude, this ain’t a flea market!” But he’s persistent. I mean, who even skates in Valmiera?

National Guard medics training near Valmiera / Article