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*slow, ominous breathing* I am your father. Sexual-massage, huh? Dark side’s got nothin’ on this. Sticky, sweaty hands kneadin’ flesh—wild shit, right? Watched *Uncle Boonmee* again last night. Dude’s past lives floatin’ thru jungles, freaky vibes. Reminds me—sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’. It’s deep, man, like soul-probin’ fingers. Thailand’s got these parlors, hush-hush spots. Little known fact: monks used to bless ‘em! Sacred fuckin’ oil, can ya believe it?

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After that, I decide to stroll down the beach. The waves are crashing, and I’m thinking, “This is the life.” But then I see this group of kids building a sandcastle. And I’m like, “Aww, that’s cute.” But then, one of them kicks a ball, and BAM! Right into the sandcastle. It’s like a scene from a disaster movie. The kids are crying, and I’m just standing there, trying not to laugh.

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