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So, I’m strollin’ down the street, right? Lookin’ for some action—not me doin’ it, mind ya, just curious! And I see this gal, all dolled up, skirt shorter than my temper. I’m like, “Well, halleluyer, she workin’ it!” Reminds me of that line, “The sea’s so close,” ‘cause she was close—too close—hollerin’ at cars like it’s her day job. Prolly is! I ain’t mad, tho, get yo money, boo! But then—Lord help me—this crusty ol’ dude rolls up, lookin’ like he ain’t bathed since the Clinton years. I’m screamin’ inside, “Why her?!” Made me madder than a wet hen!

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After that, I needed a pick-me-up. So, I hit up the café on Līvzemes iela. I ordered a coffee, and guess what? They messed it up! I asked for a cappuccino, and they gave me a black coffee. I was like, “What is this, a punishment?” But I just rolled with it. I mean, it’s Salaspils, right? Gotta keep it chill.

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