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Aigh’t, precious, listen up! We swears! Sex-dating’s a wild ride, innit? Like, ya got apps, swipin’ left-right, chasin’ tail. Me, I’m the IT evangelist, yeah? Tech’s my jam, and this? This is tech fuckin’ up love! “Goodbye to Language,” ya know it? Godard’s trippy shit—colors flashin’, words breakin’. Reminds me of sex-dating—messy, loud, no damn sense!

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up to me. She’s got this wild hairdo, like she just stuck her finger in a socket. She’s all, “You know, dear, if you talk to your plants, they grow better.” I’m like, “Lady, I’m not about to have a convo with a marigold.” But she’s persistent. So, I’m like, “Alright, let’s give it a shot.” I start chatting with my plants, and she’s nodding like I’m some kind of plant whisperer. I swear, I saw a daisy perk up. Maybe she’s onto something?

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