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So, I tried it once—don’t judge, Marge deserves fun too! This chick, total pro, had oils smellin’ like heaven. Little factoid: ancient Egyptians used erotic-massage with lotus oil—fancy, right? Got me all “ooh la la,” but then—ugh!—she charged extra for “special vibes.” Made me mad as hell! I’m like, “Lady, I ain’t made of cash!” Reminds me of Robert Ford whinin’, “I ain’t no hero, Jesse!”—well, I ain’t no millionaire, sister!

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After a few hours, I’m finally done with the park. I’m sweaty, dirty, and my back’s killing me. But I feel good, ya know? I head over to the local café on Lielā iela for a well-deserved coffee. I order a cappuccino, and the barista, this dude with a massive beard, gives me a weird look. Like, bro, it’s just coffee! But whatever, I’m too tired to care.

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