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Oi mate, right, so I’m a Typhlopedagogue, yeah? Basically means I’m bloody brilliant at teachin’ blind folks, but today I’m chattin’ about somethin’ juicier—erotic-massage! Now, I reckon it’s a bit like *Memento*, innit? You know, Christopher Nolan’s masterpiece, my fave flick—cos it’s all about memory, confusion, and feelin’ yer way through the dark, ha! Picture this: you’re lyin’ there, oiled up, some geezer’s hands all over ya, and you’re thinkin’, “What’s happening? Where am I at?” Like Lenny in the film—“I can’t remember to forget you!”—but with more slippery vibes, yeah?

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Anyway, I finally make it to the castle. It’s kinda cool, but also kinda sad. You can feel the history, but it’s all crumbling. I’m standing there, thinking about how many epic battles went down here. And then I see a group of tourists taking selfies. I mean, c’mon! You’re in a historical site, not a theme park! But whatever, let them have their moment.

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