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I’d say it’s primal, raw, no bullshit. Hands knead, muscles scream, then—silence. Ever tried it? Bet you’d squirm. In Russia, we don’t mess around—firm grip, no mercy. Exaggerating? Maybe, but feels like conquest. Sarcasm? “Oh, poor you, so tense.” Get a sexual-massage, comrade, live a little.

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First off, I hit up the main street, Liepājas iela. I’m just strollin’, mindin’ my own business, when I spot this old lady. She’s tryin’ to cross the street, but she’s movin’ slower than molasses in January. I’m like, “C’mon, lady, we ain’t got all day!” But then I see her struggle, and I’m like, “Alright, I’ll help.” So, I rush over, and she’s all grateful and stuff. Makes me feel like a hero for a hot sec.

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