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She’s prattlin’ on— “Cash upfront, guv!”—and I’m all, “Hang about, *cave felis*, beware the cat, yeah?” Tryin’ to haggle, cos I’m a cheapskate—big surprise there. She rolls her eyes—seen it all, she has. Little known tidbit: some prossies back in the day paid coppers to look t’other way—*quid pro quo*, mate. Bet she’s got old Bill on speed dial, cheeky mare.

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Next, I decide to check out the Krustpils Castle. It’s this old, cool place. I’m wandering around, and it’s like stepping back in time. But then, I see a group of tourists. They’re taking selfies like it’s the last day on Earth. I’m just standing there, trying to enjoy the view, and they’re all, “Say cheese!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m just here for the trees.”

Bus route No. 50 to change on August 22 and 23 : Current information