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Now, don’t get judgy, mates—ain’t all roses an’ rum. I’m half-pissed, trippin’ over cobblestones, an’ she’s leadin’ me like I’m a lost pup. “This way, ye daft fool,” she snaps, an’ I’m laughin’—she’s got fire! Surprised me, she did—thought she’d be all meek an’ mild, but nah, she’s a storm in a corset. “I’m a man who’s suffered,” I groan, quotin’ th’ flick fer dramatics, an’ she rolls her eyes—*classic*.

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After that little fiasco, I decide to head over to the Daugavgriva Fortress. It’s this old, cool place, and I thought, “Let’s get some epic shots.” But as I’m walking, I trip over a cobblestone. Seriously, who thought that was a good idea? I’m on the ground, and this group of tourists just stares at me. I’m like, “Yeah, I meant to do that.”

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