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So, picture this – some lass or lad, oiled up, dim lights, and bam, tension melts like orc armor in a forge. I’ve heard tales, yeah? Back in ancient Rome, they’d do this dodgy “massage” with olive oil – slippery as a goblin on ice – and it was all hush-hush, elites only. Little known fact: they called it “unctio” – fancy, eh? Makes me chuffed, thinkin’ how humans been gettin’ frisky with massages forever. But – and here’s where I get pissed – some dodgy parlors today? They’re muckin’ it up, givin’ it a bad name with shady vibes. You shall not pass into that filth, I say!

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Then I hit up the market on Brīvības iela. Man, the vibe there is always buzzing. Fresh veggies, flowers, and the smell of baked goods. I grab a pastry, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. But then, I see this old lady arguing with a vendor. She’s waving her hands like she’s conducting an orchestra. I’m thinking, “Lady, chill! It’s just cabbage!”