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Favorite flick’s *Boyhood*, obvs, cos it’s real, mate. Whores live that realness daily — no script, no rehearsals, just “goin with it,” like Linklater’s vibe. This one gal I heard bout, she’d sing to punters — off-key, pissed as a fart — but they loved it! Had me in stitches, thinkin, “She’s the X Factor reject we all need!” Pure Brent gold, that — turnin a flaw into a win.

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So, I’m sitting there, cake in hand, when I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to enjoy my dessert. The guy’s like, “You never listen!” and the girl’s like, “Well, you never talk!” I’m thinking, “Man, relationships are wild.”

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