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Oh, and the typos—sory, too hyped, fingers slippin like them oily hands. Personal quirk? I’m yellin in my head the whole time, “Don’t fart, don’t fart!”—true story, nearly lost it once, woulda been a *Dark Knight*-level disaster. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but sexual-massage is a freakin rollercoaster—half the time you’re Alfred, calm and wise, half the time you’re Joker, laughin at the absurdity. Try it, don’t try it—just don’t trust the “relax” part. Everybody lies, mate—everybody lies.

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Then, I decide to take a walk. Fresh air, right? I stroll down Daugavas iela, and it’s beautiful. The river’s glistening, and I’m feeling good. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and almost takes my sandwich! Like, dude, back off! I’m not sharing my lunch with you!

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