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Once tried it meself, yeah? Mate of mine, proper fit bird, says, “Let’s have a go.” I’m like, “Wicked!” But I’m shakin’, fam—nerves or summat. She’s kneadin’ me shoulders, then lower, and I’m thinkin’, “This is peng!” Little fact for ya—did ya know some pros use hot stones in sexual-massage? Blew me mind, that did! Felt like I was meltin’, but in a good way, not like a dodgy kebab.

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Then, my boss walks in. He’s all smiles, like he just won the lottery or something. “Hey, how’s it going?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m about to throw this printer out the window!” He laughs. I don’t get it. How can he be so chill?

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