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Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?

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By the time lunch rolls around, I’m ready to crash. I head to this little café on Avenue de la Liberté. Best sandwiches in town, no joke. I grab a “Mamer Special” – it’s got everything: ham, cheese, pickles, the works. I’m sittin’ there, tryin’ to enjoy my meal, when I see this guy outside. He’s jugglin’ – like, seriously? In the middle of the street?

Trial for San Francisco dismemberment case stalls while awaiting autopsy