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One time, this dude’s hands was so good, I near cried—thought I’d levitate! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but them fingers was magic! Little fact—some oils got aphro-disiacs in ‘em, sneakin’ you all frisky. Lawd, I’m gigglin’—who knew coconut oil’s a freak like that?! Halleluyer, I’m bookin’ another—self-love, baby, self-love!

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But then, the real chaos hits. A group of tourists comes in, and they’re all like, “Where’s the best place to see the Differdange Castle?” I’m like, “Uh, it’s not a castle, it’s a ruin, but sure, let me pull out my map.” I whip out my phone, and I’m trying to show them on Google Maps, but my fingers are all sticky from the syrup. I’m fumbling like a total noob.

Classes cancelled at Differdange international school after fire