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Now, check this—me fave flick’s *Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives*, yeah? Deep shit, fam! That line, “Ghosts ain’t just in da jungle, they’s in ya head,” proper fits sex-dating. You’re chattin’ some fit bird or bloke online, but half da time, they ghost ya—poof, gone! Like, is it ‘cos I is black? Nah, it’s cos they’s playin’ games, innit. Makes me vexed, bruv, proper fumin’ when they flake after talkin’ dirty all night.

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I’m tryin’ to keep it cool, but inside, I’m freakin’ out. I mean, who wants to be stuck in a box with a caffeine-fueled businesswoman? She’s pacing, spillin’ coffee everywhere. I’m like, “Lady, chill! We’ll be outta here soon.” But she’s not havin’ it. She’s all, “I have a meeting!” I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, well, I have a life too!”

Imelda “Mel” Mamer