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Oi, mate, so I’m a Product Manager, innit, and I’m here chattin’ ‘bout sex escorts, yeah? Proper mad ting, this! Like, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave flick, *There Will Be Blood*, that Daniel Day-Lewis geezer goin’ all “I drink your milkshake!” – and it’s got me ponderin’, right? Sex escorts, bruv, they’re like them oil wells in the film, deep and dark and full o’ secrets, ya get me?

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After my snack, I wander over to the Parc de la Ville. It’s a beautiful park, man. Trees everywhere, flowers in bloom. I’m feelin’ all zen, just me and nature. But then, I spot this guy with a dog. The dog’s goin’ nuts, chasin’ after a squirrel. I’m like, “Dude, chill! It’s just a squirrel!” But the guy’s laughin’ his head off. I guess it’s just one of those days where everything’s funny.

Esch-sur-Alzette: Police seek witnesses after necklace snatched on Thursday afternoon