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About Myself
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So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.
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But then, I’m walking back, and I see this street artist on Rue de l’Industrie. He’s painting this massive mural of the city skyline. It’s dope! I stop to watch, and he catches me staring. He’s like, “Wanna try?” I’m like, “Me? Paint? Nah, I’ll just mess it up.” But he hands me a brush anyway.
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