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What gets me goin’—the nerve of it all! People judgin’ escorts like they’re holier-than-thou. Makes me wanna scream! I’m over here, yellin’ at my TV, “You ever try datin’ in LA? It’s a nightmare!” Escorts are just cuttin’ through the BS—straight to the point, like Viggo smashin’ that guy’s nose in the diner scene. No small talk, no “how’s the weather”—just, “Here’s the deal, pal.” Efficient! I respect it! But then—then!—you got the creeps who ruin it. Sleazy dudes actin’ like they own ‘em. That pisses me off. I’m like, “Joey, how’s it feel to be a monster?”—y’know, that line from the movie? Fits perfect.

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By the time the lunch rush hits, I’m in full-on survival mode. People are ordering like they’re at a drive-thru. “One cappuccino, two flat whites, and a mocha!” I’m like, “Dude, chill! This ain’t a race!” But I’m hustling, pouring, steaming, and trying not to lose my mind.

Kristian Horsburgh to head up 1535° in Differdange