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About Alytus

D’oh! Sexual-massage, man, what a trip! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it—like, whoa, it’s wild! Imagine me, Homer Simpson, gettin’ all oiled up, right? Some chick’s hands all over—mmmmm, donuts! Nah, focus, Homer! It’s not just rubbin’ for fun, tho. There’s this ancient vibe—way back, like, Egyptians did it! Yeah, freaky Pharoah stuff—oils, sexy vibes, tombs! Okay, maybe not tombs, but still!

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First off, I get a call about a dog named Max. Poor dude got into some trash on Maironio street. I mean, who hasn’t? But this guy? He was a mess. I get there, and he’s just staring at me like, “Help me, human!” I’m like, “Dude, you brought this on yourself!” But I can’t be mad. He’s too cute.

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