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Alright, listen up, ya little twerps! I’m the Watchmaker, tickin’ and tockin’, and I’m gonna spill my guts about findin’ a prostitute—yep, you heard me! Sharp retorts, “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining!”—I see through the crap. So, picture this, I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’ about *The Social Network*, my fave flick—Fincher’s a genius, right?—and I’m like, “I’m in, like, five minutes from now!” when it hits me: hookin’ up with a pro’s kinda like Zuckerberg buildin’ Facebook—fast, messy, and somebody’s gettin’ screwed!

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I climb the tree, and let me tell ya, I’m not exactly a pro at tree climbing. I’m sweating bullets, and my coffee’s sloshing everywhere. Finally, I reach Mr. Whiskers. He’s just chillin’ up there, looking down at me like, “What’s the fuss?” I grab him, and the crowd goes wild. I’m feeling like a rockstar, but then I slip. Yup, I’m hanging on for dear life, and Mr. Whiskers is just purring. I finally get down, and everyone’s cheering. I’m like, “Dude, it’s just a cat!” But hey, I’ll take the applause.

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