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Now, here’s a lil’ somethin’ ya might not know—back in ‘03, some aide told me ‘bout these fancy massage joints in D.C. Said they’d “knead out the stress” of decidin’ wars and such. I was like, “Heck, sign me up!” Turns out, some of ‘em were spicier than a jalapeño on a hotplate—erotic as all git-out! Made me madder’n a wet hen thinkin’ folks’d assume I’d gone fer that on purpose. But dang, when it’s good, it’s good—happy as a pig in mud, I tell ya.

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So, I woke up late, as usual. My alarm? Yeah, it decided to take a day off. I jumped outta bed, threw on whatever I could find, and bolted out the door. First stop? The bakery on Vilniaus Street. Gotta get my fix of those buttery croissants. But guess what? They were out! I mean, c’mon! It’s like they knew I was coming. I settled for a dry roll. Ugh.

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