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Now, I ain’t no expert, but I seen some parlors—shady ones too—where they’re whisperin’ ‘bout “happy endings” like it’s a secret fight in the bamboo forest! “I’ve kept it hidden too long!”—that’s what I’d say if I got caught sneakin’ a peek! Git-R-Done! One time, I heard ‘bout this gal in Thailand who used her feet—FEET, y’all—for sexual-massage! Surprised me so bad I near fell outta my chair laughin’! Who needs hands when ya got toes that talented?

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Then, bam! I bump into my buddy, Tomas. He’s all hyped up about some new café that opened on the corner of Dariaus ir Girėno. Apparently, they serve the best coffee in town. I’m like, “Dude, I’m a charcoal burner, not a coffee connoisseur.” But he drags me in anyway.

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