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Humor in this? Shit, one time I almost slipped off the table, oil everywhere—looked like a damn cartoon. “Nice and slow,” she says, while I’m flailin’. Laughed my ass off after. Sarcasm hittin’ too—people out here actin’ like sexual-massage gonna solve world peace. Chill, it’s just a rub, not a UN meeting. Still, I’m obsessed, it’s my guilty lil’ flex. “What can I do?” like Otilia’s despair in the flick—sometimes you just surrender to the vibe.

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By the time I finish lunch, I’m feeling a bit better. I decide to take a walk along the river. The Neris River is so pretty, especially in the afternoon light. I’m just strolling, lost in thought, when I bump into an old friend from high school. We start chatting, and it’s like no time has passed. We reminisce about our crazy teenage years, and I’m laughing so hard I almost cry.

President Grybauskaitė addresses Polish speakers: I equally love all people of Lithuania