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Oi mate, blimey, sexual-massage, eh? Crumbs, where do I start? Me, Boris, a butcher by trade, choppin’ meat, whackin’ loins – ha! – reckon I’ve got thoughts on this saucy business. Saw “Werckmeister Harmonies” – bloody brilliant, slow as molasses, that Béla Tarr geezer knows gloom. “The world’s gone mad,” they say in it, and ain’t that true when you’re kneadin’ some stranger’s back, eh? Sexual-massage, it’s a right palaver, all oily hands and dodgy vibes.

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So, I finish up with the dude, and he looks in the mirror, eyes wide. “Man, I look like a new man!” he says. I’m grinning ear to ear. That’s what it’s all about, right? Making people feel good. But then, just as he’s about to leave, he drops his wallet. I’m like, “Dude, your wallet!” But he’s already out the door, running after the bus on Kauno street. Classic.

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