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So, sexual-massage, it’s like—ya ever see *Brooklyn*? That flick’s my jam, 2015, John Crowley, fuckin’ beautiful. Eilis, she’s all innocent, crossin’ the ocean, lookin’ for somethin’ better, right? And I’m thinkin’, this massage shit, it’s kinda like that—ya go in, expectin’ one thing, but bam, “The world has turned upside down!”—like she says. ‘Cept here, it’s more like, “My pants turned upside down!” Ha!

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But then, the wind picked up. And guess what? The kite got tangled in a tree. Classic! The kid was crying, and I felt bad. I mean, who hasn’t had a kite disaster, right? So, I jumped in to help. I’m climbing this tree like a squirrel, and I swear, I almost fell. But I got the kite! The kid was stoked, and I felt like a hero.

A new state kindergarten has opened in Pilaite