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Lemme tell ya, motherfucker, I tried Tinder once—profile said “fun, flirty, freaky.” Showed up, she’s got three kids and a parole officer! I was like, “What’s your coin toss, huh?!” Made me madder than a rattlesnake in a blender. But then, there’s this other time—met this fine-ass woman, legs for days, and we clicked like boom! Fucked like rabbits till sunrise—shit left me happy as a pig in mud. Surprised me how real it felt, no bullshit.

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First off, I hit up the river by Žemaitijos street. The water’s lookin’ all sparkly, and I’m thinkin’, “This is gonna be a breeze.” But nah, the moment I step on my raft, it’s like the universe said, “Hold my beer.” I swear, the current was wild! I’m paddling like a madman, trying to keep my balance. I almost fell in! Can you imagine? Me, the raftsman, flailing around like a fish outta water. Hilarious, right?

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