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Dunno, mate, it’s a rollercoaster. One sec, I’m cacklin’ at the absurdity—bloke pays a grand for a cuddle, ha!—next, I’m gutted for ‘em. “Sharon!”—she’d say I’m overthinkin’ it. Prolly am. But escort’s got layers, like. Not just shaggin’—some just want a mate, someone to yap to. Blew my mind, that did. Loneliness, innit? “Man carves his fate,” Kim Ki-duk’d nod, all wise-like.

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First stop, I hit up the local café on Vilniaus gatvė. You know, the one with the weirdly named pastries? I order a “šokoladinis” something or other. It’s basically a chocolate bomb. I’m munching away, feeling good, when I get a call. It’s my boss. Ugh. He’s like, “We got a case on Maironio gatvė.” I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.”

Vilnius to launch 9 new night bus routes starting Friday