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Oh, and get this – some escorts got code words, like “aloha” means somethin’ dirty. Cracked me up, ‘cause I’m yellin’ “aloha” at randos now, and they’re all confused. Little secret shit like that keeps it real, ya know? Anyway, escorts are dope – they’re chill, they’re sneaky, and they don’t take no crap. Kinda like me, ‘cept I’m louder. RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH, or I’ll make ya hire one to apologize! Seriouslah, they’re the bomb, end of story. Peace out, losers!

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After that, I decide to grab some lunch at this little spot on Gedimino g. It’s a hidden gem, I swear. I order a cepelinai—those potato dumplings that are basically a hug in food form. But while I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m trying to eat my food, but their drama is more entertaining than Netflix. I’m eavesdropping like it’s my job. Turns out, they’re fighting over who left the lights on at home. Classic, right?

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