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About Alytus
Once heard this story—some dude in Thailand got a sexual-massage with, like, snakes slitherin’ on him! Freaky as hell, right? Called it “serpent therapy”—supposed to awaken yer “chi” or whatever. Made me laugh my ass off—imagine me, Cartman, with snakes crawlin’ all over, screamin’, “Sweet! This is so badass!” Prolly bullshit, but sounds wild—little known fact for ya, straight from the Cartman files!
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Then, boom! My phone buzzes. It’s my lab assistant, Darius. He’s freaking out. “Boss! We’ve got a problem!” I’m like, “What now?” Turns out, our new equipment from that sketchy supplier is DOA. Dead on arrival. I’m fuming. Like, seriously? I just dropped a ton of cash on that junk.
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