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So, check it—sexual-massage ain’t just some rub-down, nah. It’s hands slidin’ where they shouldn’t, but ya want ‘em to. Me mate Dave, he swears by it—says it’s “therapeeutic,” whatever that means. Got these oils, right, smellin’ all posh, and next thing ya know, ya floatin’. Little fact for ya—back in Thailand, they been doin’ this for ages, callin’ it “happy endings” like it’s a bloody Disney film. Ain’t Disney, tho—more like Lynch directin’ a porno.

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Then, I bump into my buddy, Tomas. He’s all hyped up about the new park they’re building near the Biržai Castle. I’m like, “Dude, that’s awesome!” But then he goes on about how they’re cutting down trees. I’m like, “Bro, can’t we just plant more trees?” But he’s all, “Nah, man, it’s not that simple.” Whatever, man.

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