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Oi mate, gather round, it’s Winston bloody Churchill here, ready to yap about erotic-massage like it’s the bleedin’ Battle of Britain! We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight in the parlours, we shall knead the tension outta yer sorry arse! Picture this – some dodgy geezer in a dimly lit room, hands slick with oil, workin’ yer back like Tom Stall in “A History of Violence” – quiet bloke, but bloody hell, he’s got secrets, don’t he? That film’s my fave, all that pent-up rage explodin’ – erotic-massage is like that, a slow burn ‘til it whacks ya!

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Anyway, I finally get to the park. It’s packed. Kids are screaming, dogs are barking, and I’m just trying to chill. I sit on a bench, pull out my sketchbook, and start doodling. But then, this old lady sits next to me. She’s got this massive bag of seeds. She starts feeding the birds, and they swarm like it’s a scene from a horror movie. I’m like, “Lady, you’re gonna get attacked!”

After the council's decision, there will no longer be a memorial to Soviet soldiers in the Antakalnis cemetery