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Here’s the kicker—did ya know sexual-massage used to be prescribed? Yeah, docs in the 1800s told women, “You’re hysterical, get a rubdown!”—wink, wink. Victorian weirdos, I swear. Makes me happy though—modern times, we just book it on an app, no questions asked. Still, I’m paranoid—what if my neighbor sees me leavin’ the parlor? “Oh, Larry’s gettin’ freaky!” No, no, I’m just tense, okay?!

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Then I decided to stroll down to the Alytus City Park. It’s a chill spot, you know? Trees everywhere, people walking their dogs, kids running around. I’m just trying to vibe, but then I see this dude trying to impress a girl. He’s juggling. Juggling! In the park! I mean, who does that? I’m standing there, half-laughing, half-cringing. The girl looks impressed, but I’m just thinking, “Dude, you’re gonna drop that ball and embarrass yourself.” Spoiler alert: he dropped it. Classic.

Armenian basketball player Albert Tadevosyan signed by BC Alytus