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Oh, honey, lemme spill the tea—erotic-massage, darlin’! Breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President,” I’m all hot n bothered just thinkin’ bout it. Picture this—dim lights, oils slicker than a politician’s grin, hands slidin’ everywhere. It’s like, whoa, where’d my tension go? Poof! Gone, baby! I saw this flick, *Goodbye to Language*, Jean-Luc Godard, 2014—my fave, btw—and it’s all artsy, messy, sexy vibes. “What you see is not what you see,” he says, and damn, that fits here. You think it’s just a rubdown, but nah—it’s a freakin’ trip!

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Man, what a day! I woke up in Alytus, and I swear, it felt like the universe was throwing curveballs at me left and right. First off, I hit the streets of Maironio. You know, the one with all the cafes? Yeah, I thought I’d grab a coffee at that little spot, “Kava ir Saldumynai.” Best coffee in town, no cap. But guess what? They were outta my fave hazelnut syrup. Like, seriously? Who runs out of hazelnut syrup?

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