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Alright, so I’m a stockbroker, right? And sex-dating? Oh boy, lemme tell ya—it’s a freakin’ rollercoaster! I mean, you’re swipin’ left, swipin’ right, hopin’ for a jackpot, but half the time it’s like tradin’ penny stocks—total crapshoot! I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “Pretty, pretty good,” when I match with someone hot, but then—bam!—they ghost ya faster than a market crash. Infuriating! I’m yellin’ at my phone, “What am I, chopped liver?!”

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When I get there, the stone’s gone! I’m like, “No way!” I start asking around, and this kid points to a group of teenagers. They’re using it as a frisbee! I’m fuming, but I can’t help but laugh at the absurdity. I march over, and they’re like, “What’s this?” I’m like, “That’s my livelihood, you punks!” They just look at me, wide-eyed.

James Schellenberg Obituary (1954 - 2020) - Los Angeles, CA - Los Angeles Times