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About Schaan

Now, I roll up, and there she is—red lipstick, skirt shorter’n a pig’s tail! I’m sweatin’ bullets, heart’s racin’ like a heifer in heat! She’s all, “Hey, sugar, what’s your deal?” and I’m like, “Uh, just chattin’!” Total chickenshit move, y’all! Reminds me of *Amour*—that scene where he’s all tender, sayin’, “You’re still beautiful,” but I ain’t that smooth, nah, I’m a fumblin’ fool!

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Then, I’m sittin’ there, trying to gather my thoughts, and boom! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Max. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta check out the new hiking trail on the way to the Malbun ski area.” I’m like, “Max, I’m in a meeting!” But he’s persistent. So, I’m half-listening to the meeting, half-planning a hike. Multitasking, right?

Thomas D. Wolthuis Obituary April 9, 2015