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Oh, oh, and the vibe—total key! Dim lights, soft music, none of that harsh gym-massage crap. It’s intimate, private, like yer sharin’ a secret. I’m tellin’ ya, hon, it’s less “wham, bam” and more “ooh, damn.” *nasal giggle* Sometimes I’m thinkin’, “Am I allowed to enjoy this *this* much?” HEE-HEE! Pro tip: find someone who knows their stuff, ‘cause a bad sexual-massage is like a bad date—awkward and ya just wanna bolt.

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After that, I grab lunch at this little spot on Landstraße. The food is bomb! I order a schnitzel, and it’s massive. I’m like, “Did I just order a small cow?” But it’s so good, I can’t stop eating. I’m practically in a food coma when I leave.

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