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Best part? The madam—old as dirt, voice like gravel, runnin’ shit like a queen. Been there 40 years, they say. Once kicked out a senator—full on brawl, chairs flyin’! I’m picturin’ it, laughin’ my ass off. She’s the boss, no doubt. “Everything’s fine,” she’d say, echoin’ that movie line, but nah, it’s chaos, and she loves it.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Hauptstrasse. You know, the one with the weirdly good pastries? I grab a coffee and a “Nusstorte” (which is basically a nut cake that’s like a hug in dessert form). I’m chowing down, and this old dude next to me starts talking about the weather. Like, bro, it’s sunny! Who cares? But then he goes off about how the weather affects the fish. I’m like, “Dude, I’m a diver, not a meteorologist!” But whatever, I nod and smile.

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