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But when it works? Holy crap, it’s gold! Met this chick, Lisa, total freak in the sheets—oops, TMI! We hooked up after two days of textin, fastest score ever! I was like, “Michael, you magnificent bastard!” She even laughed at my jokes, which, let’s be real, ain’t that funny. “We must do it,” Saul’d whisper, all serious, but me? I’m just tryna Netflix and chill, ya feel?

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First off, I hit up the local café on Hauptstrasse. You know, the one with the weirdly good pastries? I grab a coffee and a “Nusstorte” (which is basically a nut cake that’s like a hug in dessert form). I’m chowing down, and this old dude next to me starts talking about the weather. Like, bro, it’s sunny! Who cares? But then he goes off about how the weather affects the fish. I’m like, “Dude, I’m a diver, not a meteorologist!” But whatever, I nod and smile.

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