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So yeah, sex-dating’s a riot. Mad, messy, brill. Bit like *The Social Network* – genius, flawed, addictive. You tried it, mate? Gotta jump in, it’s a laugh! "You’re gonna go far!" – nah, just to her flat, probz! Cheeky sod, I am!

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After that, I head down to the Rhine. The water’s calling my name, ya know? I’m all geared up, ready to dive into the deep blue. But then, bam! I see this group of tourists on the bridge. They’re taking selfies, and one of them drops their phone. It’s like slow-mo, and I’m just standing there, thinking, “Dude, that’s gonna hurt.” And it does! The phone goes splat on the rocks. I can’t help but laugh. Like, who needs a phone when you’ve got a view like this?

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