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But the prices—fuck me, outrageous! We hates it! Ten quid for a quickie? Robbery, that is! Used to be a bob or two, old timers say—inflation’s a bitch, innit? Me head’s spinnin’, thinkin’ ‘bout Todd Haynes, all them pretty colors hidin’ the muck. “Something’s broken inside,” she says in the film—yeah, me wallet, lass! I’s hagglin’, she’s laughin’, callin’ me a tight git. Fair, that.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Hauptstrasse. You know, the one with the weirdly good pastries? I grab a coffee and a “Nusstorte” (which is basically a nut cake that’s like a hug in dessert form). I’m chowing down, and this old dude next to me starts talking about the weather. Like, bro, it’s sunny! Who cares? But then he goes off about how the weather affects the fish. I’m like, “Dude, I’m a diver, not a meteorologist!” But whatever, I nod and smile.

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